Sigmund Freud famously said that “we are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.” Few words capture so accurately the power and the pain that love can bring. Love can open us up to heights of joy, peace, and contentment that are unmatched, but when it is gone it can leave us with a cold, clenched feeling of anger, despair, and loneliness that cannot be remedied.
When we give our hearts and souls to someone, we make ourselves vulnerable to whatever treatment, either good or bad, that person chooses for us. We become reliant on them for our feelings of joy, satisfaction, and calm. Without the validation, acceptance, and love that we receive from the person, our mental and emotional states can suffer enormously.
The Toll Suffered When Love Represents a Loss
The painful effects of being in a broken-heart are real and they can extend to physical symptoms such as chest pain, headaches, and a lack of interest in food or activities. This type of suffering is compounded when we cannot fulfil our visions of life with the person we love or when those visions are broken abruptly and without our choice.
The death of a loved one can be particularly unbearable, often leaving us feeling isolated and abandoned. Not only are we haunted by the memory of the lost person, but we must bear the excruciating pain of their absence. With grief, we feel an emptiness that is incomprehensible and often, it can be difficult to find comfort.
Suffering When We Are Separated from the Ones We Love
Whenever someone whom we love is removed from our lives, whether permanently or temporarily, it is a cause for tremendous suffering. Whether the incident is a result of a physical separation, such as with a loved one moving to another city, or a mental separation brought about by a deteriorating relationship, the wound can be deep and devastating.
Separation is especially difficult when it is unexpected or thought to be permanent. When our expectation of a future together with the person we love is destroyed, we can feel completely betrayed, confused, and powerless. Without being able to find solace in our loved one’s presence, our emotions can become muted and distorted. We can struggle to find joy in things that used to bring us pleasure, such as friendly gatherings and simple pleasures.
The Heavy Price of Love
Regardless of the form the suffering takes, the pain that comes with losing love can cause a deep and lasting trauma. Our lives can become overwhelmingly challenging because, without the someone whom we have entrusted our hearts with, it can be difficult to find vitality in our day-to-day lives. In the end, it is important to remember that love always comes with a cost, but it is also what gives us strength to continue and take on the world.
Sigmund Freud noted it best when he said “we are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love”, because it is only when we allow our hearts to be open in love, that we are able to become truly vulnerable and suffer. This can sometimes lead to distress and heartbreak, but it is only through this process that we can experience the greatest moments of joy and happiness life has to offer as well.
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