In a world full of half-truths, navigating relationships can be a tricky task. Too many of us sacrifice genuine conversations and interactions in favor of editing our words and thoughts to fit any given social norm. However, there is an alternative to standard conversation. Enter radical honesty.
Radical honesty is the practice of expressing yourself authentically, without exaggeration, insecurity or fabrication. It is a way of conversation wherein you present your feelings and opinions in an open, honest manner. Although it puts you in a vulnerable position and can sometimes cause friction, radical honesty can offer immense benefits of not just relationship building, but of self-discovery too.
What is Radical Honesty?
At its core, radical honesty is the practice of telling the truth – the whole truth and nothing but the truth. According to its founder, American psychologist and author, Dr. Brad Blanton, it is “the willingness to speak about oneself and others with directness and clarity, which includes emotional pain and fear of emotional pain, with the larger purpose of getting emotionally and physically closer”.
Rather than simply “sugarcoating” what we say, particularly when it’s in relation to our emotions, radical honesty involves verbalising our insecurities, worries, and emotional pain. It is the act of being bold, daring and brave enough to tell the truth, even if it makes us feel uncomfortable.
The Benefits of Radical Honesty
Not only can being bluntly honest encourage meaningful conversations, but it can also benefit the way people feel. Byspeaking openly and honestly without fear of judgment, people can allow themselves to be vulnerable. Furthermore, the habit of speaking openly encourages others to do the same, thus establishing a relationship based on trust and authenticity.
Take the example of Shauna, a friend of mine. She had always been quiet in relationships. Years after breaking up with her high school sweetheart, she decided to open up about some of the moments she had felt like she had been hurt, left out or ignored. After talking it out with her old flame, she experience a sense of closure and managed to put to rest some of her inner emotions outside of the context of the relationship.
“By speaking my truth, I was able to better understand and honour my feelings. I learnt that it’s ok to express my emotions in open and honest ways, even if what I say may be unnerving to some.” – Shauna
By speaking openly and honestly, you not only learn to develop trust within your relationships, but you also learn to accept yourself more. According to Dr. Blanton, “Radical Honesty is largely about learning to be honest with ourselves and stop believing the same old lies we tell ourselves.” It is about being authentic, rather than perfect.
How to Introduce Radical Honesty in Your Conversations
Now, it’s important to note that radical honesty should not be mistaken for rudeness. While expressing our emotions, it is important to remember to do it in a respectful manner. Here are a few tips to help introduce radical honesty in your interactions:
- Be Clear: Offer your opinion clearly, using facts and real-life experiences. Be careful of throwing generalisations (e.g. ‘you always/never do this’) and judgemental statements (e.g. ‘you should/shouldn’t do that’).
- Take Ownership: It is all too easy to blame someone else for a given situation, but this can misplace responsibility and deflect from the real issue. This can lead to defensiveness and an argument, rather than a meaningful conversation. Instead, focus on how YOU feel about a given subject.
- Stay Calm: Above all, remember it’s important to stay calm, collected and capable of constructive conversation. This way you are more likely to be accepted and understood.
Conclusion
Radical honesty is not an easy practice to master. However, the rewards it offers are immense – improved relationships, an understanding of yourself and the courage to speak openly and honestly. Understanding the beauty and power of radical honesty is the first step to mastering communication and relationship skills.
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