I remember back in University my Psych professor was explaining the categories of human needs, among which is the need for affiliation. He went on to mention that the counterpart of affiliation has become more prevalent over the past few decades, and was thus was recently added to the list of human needs – Uniqueness.
Is It Really Unique?
At first, this seems reasonable: there are many people who strive to be different, rebels so to speak. But then I came to the realization that upon further inspection, much of this “uniqueness” is not uniqueness at all, but rather another form of fitting in. Don’t get me wrong I still think that unique people are out there and that it is possible, it’s just a lot rarer than most realize.
Blue Headed People
When observing from the outside it may appear that many individuals with eccentric styles and rebellious personalities are simply trying to stand out from those around them, but if you look at it from an alternative perspective many are simply trying to fit into their aspirational group. To explain this, let’s look at the semi-recent fad of dying one’s hair blue. One’s motive for this may be to make a statement but, nonetheless it is not truly being oneself. For instance, if tomorrow everyone in the world woke up with blue hair, the blue heads of today would be the first to dye their hair red. I’m not trying to pick on people with blue hair, we all have an area in our life in which we are guilty of this. My point here is a simple one – if you truly want to be unique you shouldn’t simply strive to be different, but rather strive to be yourself and if that happens to be different then so be it.
Contrarian ≠ Unique
Many people mistake rebelling with being unique, but the truth is if your default stance on everything is the opposite of those around you then they still are in control of what you think. To truly be unique you have to think for yourself, which involves being intellectually flexible and humble enough to acknowledge that it is possible to agree with someone on a topic even if you disagree with them on every other front. The reverse of this is also true and arguably more important: you have to have the courage to disagree with your group or political party on a question even though it might create dissonance to do so.
Political Divide
You can see a failure of this by looking at the political divide in the US today. Apart from a few lonely souls in the middle, the country is roughly split right down the middle with the left having an almost unanimous stance on a long list of issues and the right having the complete opposite stance on those very same matters. Do you think that this large split comes down to purely coincidence? Is it purely coincidental that one’s stance on global warming can be used to predict with fairly high certainty their thoughts on a completely unrelated topic such as abortion? This shouldn’t be the case, but this same phenomenon can be observed with almost every major political issue.
Confirmation Bias
With every newsworthy event, each group interprets the event in a way that fits their narrative. This confirmation bias is a good way to always be “right”, but it is not a path that leads to the truth. Many people believe, albeit subconsciously, that they have to be aligned with their political party or group on every issue. This is a false dichotomy: you have the power to support your party’s stance on issues of which you agree while also encouraging a change of heart on issues in which you don’t. This may seem obvious, but what is obvious is not always applied.
Are You the Source of Your Beliefs?
One of the most powerful things you can do for yourself is to take a personal audit of your thoughts, feeling, and opinions to determine if they truly come from you. A good litmus test for this is to compare your stances with parents, professors, political pundits and others around you. If you either agree or disagree on all issues, then you should consider if you are truly the source of your beliefs. It is certainly true that you could have developed your beliefs on your own and thus your current stance just so happens to be completely aligned with your group, but only you can determine that for yourself. As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
Don’t let your thoughts and opinions be determined by others– Think for Yourself.
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