When we watch movies, there is usually one character that catches our attention. You may admire or even imagine yourself as him or her. Let me ask you: What are the common traits of these characters?
Chances are these characters aren’t passive aggressive, complainers, or uncomfortable in their own skin. The traits that draw you to a character are usually the same traits that we long to possess. We think to ourselves: I wish I were confident…. I wish I were assertive…. I wish I were a doer. Well, what are you waiting for?
Everybody has a vision of his or her ideal self, but very few have the courage to go after that vision.
We all have hidden potential deep within ourselves; a potential that all great people seem to have access to. This potential can be best described as a state of consciousness. In this state, everything in the world seems to be under your control. The world no longer becomes a challenge, but a game to be played. A game you were born to win.
A State of Mind
A majority of the time we enter this state under unfortunate circumstances. For instance, the first time I entered this state when I was alone in the forest at night as a kid. You might have had a similar experience as a kid: you’d get a feeling that someone or something was out there, and you knew your safest bet was to make it to the safety of your house or room as fast as you could, but the faster you ran, the more that fear grew.
Scared or not, embrace that feeling because it makes us feel alive. Just like many kids are afraid of the dark, us adults have our own set of fears. Entering my early teenage years, I was deathly afraid of certain social situations. I can remember at least three times when people straight up asked me, “How come you don’t talk?” This was always the hardest question for me to answer: “Uh I don’t know, ‘cause I don’t have anything to say?” But that was a lie.
My First Comfort Challenge
By my sophomore year of high school, I had overcome much of this social anxiety, but there were still things that I needed to become more comfortable with such as negotiating discounts or having difficult conversations. I decided that I wasn’t content and was determined to overcome my fears. I dragged a few loyal friends straight to the mall. The plan: we would give each other cringe-worthy social dares that we had to accomplish. My first dare involved going up to a couple in the food court and asking them if the seat was taken, but there was a catch: rather than taking the chair to another table like a normal person, I had to sit down at their private table and commence my meal as they had just invited me to join them.
A Familiar Feeling
I was 16-years-old at the time but the last time I had felt that alive was as a kid, alone in the woods at night. At that moment I realized that I didn’t need to be in any unfortunate circumstances or physical danger to reach that euphoric state; I could acquire that state and all of the energy that comes with it anytime I did something out of my comfort zone. That was the day my Comfort Challenge journey began
One Part Prank, One Part Social Experiment
After a few more similar challenges I began to realize how fun comfort challenges can be. In fact, I think they are bested described as one part prank and one part social experiment. This latter part makes them very fascinating to take part in. It’s always interesting to see how people act in certain situations. For instance, we repeated the chair challenge that I mentioned earlier many times with different people and the responses were always different: most would get uncomfortable, some would get angry, and others seemed cool with it and started chatting like we were old friends.
Common Misconception
One misconception is that people take bold action because they are confident; however, it is often the opposite–These people gained their confidence by facing their fears and taking action. Our comfort zone is a safe haven that so many have become dependent on. We often mistake this feeling of safety with happiness, but you will find that true happiness can be found by experiencing personal growth.
Bilateral Approach
It is important to understand that the fastest and most guaranteed way to achieve this growth and confidence is to change both your paradigm and actions. While they each can produce positive results on their own, together they are synergistic.
For those math majors out there…. [Paradigm shift + Action in the face of fear = Confidence^2]
I also wouldn’t want to leave out those passionate about Gestalt Psychology: *cough cough* “The whole is other than the sum of its parts”– In this case, something greater.
Are You a Doer or a Planner?
Many make the mistake of focusing on only one part of the equation. This brings to light the fact that there are two kinds of people in this world: Those that take action but never plan, and those that plan but never take action. Decide which describes you best, then focus on your weakness. Your weakness is most likely the one that makes you feel most uncomfortable.
The key to becoming successful, as with many of life’s endeavors, is to find a balance between learning and doing. By failing to learn, you will inevitably make the same mistakes as those that have gone before you. Yes, you can fail until you learn, but save time and build on their knowledge. Equally, and arguably more important, is taking action. Without action knowledge becomes worthless. I will not lie, you will fail; so, fail fast and fail hard because at the end of every failure is experience.
Where Does Your Comfort Zone End?
You’ve probably heard that saying: “Your life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.” This is absolutely true, but I’m willing to take it one step further and say, “Your true self is found at the edge of your comfort zone.” The moment you leave your comfort zone your body rises to the challenge, almost as if you had acquired powers. Yes, you will still be afraid at first, but once you face your fears you will be able to take on anything you may face. Comfort challenges can be used as a warm-up for the rest of the day; a warm-up that gives you an almost unfair advantage. As you likely know, fears are relative, thus the comfort challenge for a teenager will probably look much different than for a middle-aged housewife. You can do these challenges by yourself or recruit a friend or two to accompany you. You will make a fool of yourself at some point so just laugh it off. In fact, most people are surprised at how fun these social experiments turn out to be.
But That’s Just Not My Personality…
A common objection to these comfort challenges is that you are trying to be something that you are not. In my experience, however, these comfort challenges often help you discover who you truly are rather than change you into something you are not. For most of my life I was 100 percent convinced that I was an introvert; it wasn’t until I started forcing myself to experience social situations that made me uncomfortable that I realized that I felt absolutely amazing after. Before this I was essentially a shy extrovert that mistook my shyness as introversion. These are the kinds of self realizations you can make through these comfort challenges.
I should mention that it is important to avoid being dependent on an outcome. In a way, your goal here should be to fail. By putting unnecessary emphasis on success, we tend to play it too safe. Failing outside of your comfort zone is better than succeeding at something in which you are already comfortable with because you will gain experience in the process.
The Best Time Is Now
Most people rarely take on their fears and often avoid them altogether. By being part of the minority of people that take control of their lives, you will gain a huge advantage in your career, relationships, and life. Don’t Wait! You are as prepared as you are ever going to be, so begin your comfort challenge journey today and become your ideal self.
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